Spring is arriving and with it proms, passions, and new fashions. You’re old enough now to be aware of the world around you. You may have noticed that the world contains funny, awkward, smelly, and sometimes, cute boys. These creatures have weird powers to influence you to dress, talk, or act certain ways. I’m writing this short series of notes to let you in on the secret mind of the male as it relates to how you dress and act. Most girls do not understand what I am about to tell you. Consequently, they dress, talk, and act in ways that will cause the opposite effect they are searching for. I want to share with you what guys think about what girls wear and give you insight into the positive power of modesty.
This message is so vital for you because society is telling you that to be feminine is to be erotic. Sociologists are calling this phenomenon the pornographication of our girls. If you buy into this lie, you will try to find power in sexual appeal but what you won’t see is that you simply become a tool for some man’s selfish gratification. This power is fleeting, for in the exchange, you lose the dignity and value that is your deepest desire. And you will resemble God less and less; losing the very basis of your dignity.
Because men are relatively simple, they can be pretty predictable. God has wired them internally to respond almost subconsciously to certain situations, not the least of which is how girls dress. God has wired men to be visually-oriented. Much of the input that comes into their brain comes through their eyes.
When we are around females, (which is much of the time because they consist of half the world’s population.) we not only see with our eyes, we think with our eyes. We are highly tuned to two things: beauty and conquest. We want a beauty to rescue and a challenge to conquer. This is how we are wired. How you dress and present yourself will tap into these instincts. You can harness these traits with the power of your femininity to your advantage or let them work against you. It’s your choice to make.
Because guys are wired to respond visually; females can get attention by dressing immodestly. Immodesty does have the power of attraction. However, you must be careful what you attract. Immodesty has great power to draw males with predatory instincts.
Predators think mostly of themselves and their gratification and they don’t care who they hurt along the way. Princes, on the other hand, are strong, godly guys who want nothing more than to spend their lives on behalf of the people and principles that are important to them.
Immodesty does have the power of attraction, but it’s the predators you’ll attract.
Modesty however, has the power to attract men of princely character, as well as the extra power of retention. The girl that has the strength of character to dress modestly wherever she goes — at school, the beach, the mall — has great power to keep the attention and interest of the right kind of guys. Because she is confident that her beauty is not only vested in her body, but her mind and her soul as well. This is a girl who will grow more beautiful as she ages. This type of girl is highly attractive to the prince.
I spent a year studying and filming regarding this topic. We finished with a short documentary called “What Guys Think About What Girls Wear.” One of the questions we asked guys was: When you see a girl dressed immodestly, are what are your thoughts toward her? Do your thoughts lend themselves to a long term relationship or short term? Every boy said, “Short term.”
What I found is that guys look at girls that are immodest and they make instant judgments, “thinking with their eyes.” When we asked, “What are your initial thoughts regarding a girl who is dressed immodestly?” here were some of the responses:
“They have a need that they have unmet in their life, maybe something they didn’t get from their father, like love and acceptance.”
“She has a complex about the way she looks and is trying to reveal herself in other ways to attract attention.”
“Need for attention; bad judgment”
“…maybe immoral (easy), snap judgment, she’s immoral, or maybe insecure, trying to show off.”
“Crying for attention”
That she’s immoral (easy), doesn’t care about herself, trashy, just a woman, property to be owned.”
Miuccia Prada, who runs the fashion empire, Prada, spoke about this in an interview in GQ magazine,
“With women, the more unhappy they are, the more undressed they are. This is true. Dignity’s another very important part of this…You have to have dignity for your body—this is with men and women. You need to have dignity towards how you are, how you dress, how you behave. Very important.”
How you act and how you dress is simply an outward reflection of your inward attitude. If your outward appearance screams “needy, immoral, insecure,” guy’s that have their act together will not want anything to do with you. You will be perceived as too much drama. Guys that see an opportunity for sexual gratification, however, will put up with the drama for a while, then move on.
Let me add that this is no attempt to let guys off the hook. They, too, must possess the self-control and discipline necessary to reflect godly character. Each of us must do our part to reflect Christ in this broken culture. But as a father, my heart is to protect you and help you understand how to safely walk through this season of your life. We will talk more about this later. This is enough to chew on for now. God has gifted you with the power of femininity, allow it to blossom in healthy ways and your fragrance will enrich the world.